You guys are overreacting because you are frustrated that the technology is getting the best of you. Thats ok, go ahead and vent. Then when you calm down, give it another go. Its a little messy because the android auto app by itself is built so it can be used both ways, either on the phone screen itself or on a compatible car screen. You might need to go into the settings in the android app and go into the "connected cars" section, you have to "Accept" each screen for each car you own separately due to security concerns. Otherwise someone could steal your phone and it may have a password but they would just plug it into any old android auto radio and start doing stuff on it. So enable the option to allow automatic setup when you connect a new car, and then go through the steps to "Accept" your compass as an authorized car that will be allowed to circumvent some of the phone's security in trade for the convenience features it offers.
Do not set up autolaunch for bluetooth, that option is for cars with bluetooth but no screen/AA.
Also double check the Uconnect radio settings and make sure you have not disabled android auto or any options that allow the automatic launch of AA/CP when a compatible device is connected.
As far as the cables go they don't have to be original but they DO need to be data cables. USB has wires to both carry power to charge a device and *sometimes* data wires for... you guessed it, data. If you are using a cable with only charge wires and no data lines then obviously its not going to work, but this is really unlikely (almost nobody makes charge-only cables anymore, but if you buy your cables for a buck at a dollar store then all bets are off).
Once you get it set up it will work just fine, it just takes a little doing and they couldn't put a solid guide in the user manual (which you probably didn't try to read anyways) because android is always updating and changing so even if they put step by step instructions in the book it would likely change as android evolves.