Like Tripod said, there is no adjustment for that delay. Not even with AlfaOBD.
Before I disabled my ESS permanently, I had theorized that the way to "fix" the system would be to insert a man-in-the-middle microcontroller between the switch and the rest of the car. This microcontroller would need to know when the engine is running, either from being on the canbus or tapped into an injector or even making a best guess based on battery voltage (if its under 13.4v, 99% odds the engine is shut down).
So this micro would essentially default to mimicking the button press when you first start the car, to give you the "disabled by default" effect. Now, my proposed solution would say that one button press equals exactly one allowed ESS event. Meaning, you (the driver) come to a stop and you realize its going to be a long one, you press the button once and the microcontroller re-enables ESS but only for this one event. As soon as the motor restarts and you drive off, the micro disables ESS again and this is how we prevent un-wanted ESS events.
You could expand that, find a way to get the micro to be aware of vehicle speed, and use that with timing to decide "OK we have been stopped for 10 seconds lets turn ESS back on". I don't personally like that, because right about then is probably when the stoplight would go green and you'd be just as frustrated as you are at stop signs. You could maybe have the microcontroller give a little beep when you have been stopped for 10 seconds, to say "hey, maybe think about using ESS we've been stopped for a while". I am not a big fan of beeping things myself.
Just some ideas. Its all out there for anyone who is handy with an arduino. I just killed the ESS feature entirely with AlfaOBD and I'm happier all around that way. The studies that have been done show there is no fuel to be saved whatsoever except in very specific circumstances that are nothing like my daily driving. The ESS in this car was not designed to really work in earnest, it was designed to meet the bare minimum definition to get government credits and allow marketing to run wild pretending the car is "greener". The science says it totally doesn't work in the real world for most of us, just an FYI.