Any sense of humor in here.......? - Jeep Compass Forum
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post #1 of 101 Old 02-26-2009, 03:06 PM Thread Starter
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Smile Any sense of humor in here.......?

Testing this forum sense of humor.......

For pet lovers................

To be posted VERY LOW on the
>> refrigerator door - nose height.
>>
>> Dear Dogs and Cats,
>>
>> The dishes with the paw print are yours
>> and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and
>> contain my food.
>> Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my
>> plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
>> nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>>
>> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR
>> and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
>> object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you
>> can run.
>>
>> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king
>> sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will
>> continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
>> Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
>> is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
>> out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
>> straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
>> end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>>
>> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from
>> the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
>> manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary toclaw, whine,
>> meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the
>> edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
>> door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
>> --canine or feline attendance is not required.
>>
>> The proper order is... kiss me, then go
>> smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this
>> enough!
>>
>> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have
>> posted the following message on our front door:
>>
>> To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to
>> Complain About Our Pets :
>>
>> 1. They live here. You don't.
>>
>> 2. If you don't want their hair on your
>> clothes, stay off the furniture.
>> (That's why they call it 'fur-niture.)
>>
>> 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like
>> most people.
>>
>> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an
>> adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on
>> all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
>>
>> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
>>
>> 1. Eat less
>> 2. Don't ask for money all the time
>> 3 Are easier to train
>> 4. Normally come when called
>> 5. Never ask to drive the car
>> 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
>> 7. Don't smoke or drink
>> 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
>> 9. Don't want to wear your clothes
>> 10. Don't need billions of dollars for college,
>> and...
>> 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Life is short, Break the rules,
Forgive quickly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably...
Never regret anything that made you smile!
Have a wonderful day!

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post #2 of 101 Old 05-25-2009, 02:11 AM
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I like Dogs, and have two. The American Bulldog is very fond of tobacco spit, and will consume as much beer as I am willing to part with, which is very little. We get along well.


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post #3 of 101 Old 06-11-2009, 10:55 PM
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Any sense of humor in here

jet skiing sounds fun... but water permitted only...

s2k = all day, any time...
just drive your s2k with top down when it rains... dont forget to wear a lifevest too...
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post #4 of 101 Old 06-12-2009, 11:12 PM
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Ha I have an american bulldog that enjoyes the taste of tobacco spit as well.. thats really weird. If I leave a spitter laying around even with the lid on he will just lick it all day... Jet Skiing??


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post #5 of 101 Old 06-19-2009, 04:56 AM
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Interesting.. Hey eze, is your AB pretty crazy, and always the "WatchDog"? Especially when you are at home? Mine is the Scott type, not Johnson type. I'm trying to see if there are trait differences in the types, or not. My Dog is the 1st AB for me, but probably not the last. The Dog (Max) has provided plenty of amusement to me, but he is a "Hard Head". Have you ever seen a Dog eat a complete Snapping Turtle? To my amazement I have witnessed this! I think that the Johnson line is more normal (Less Bully) than the Scott line. It's cool that we share common interests beyond Jeeps.


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Last edited by Jeepster2; 07-30-2009 at 03:17 AM. Reason: Oops, P instead of R..
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post #6 of 101 Old 06-19-2009, 06:11 PM
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I gotta be honest I have no Idea what line he is from. It was a stray dog that my brother in law picked up. He already has two dogs and two little girls. One which is a new born. Clearly he didnt really have room for another dog so my dad and I decided to take him in. The vet said he is probably around two years old.

I dont know if he was treated poorly by his previous owner or what but he is very quiet and shy. He is very loving but when there is alot going on in the house he always finds his little hiding spot. He's a great dog tho.


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post #7 of 101 Old 06-22-2009, 02:46 AM
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The Johnson type has the Bulldog/Boxer shaped head while the Scott type has the Pit Bull head with a bit longer nose than the Johnson type.


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post #8 of 101 Old 07-28-2009, 11:26 AM
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I have a pet parrot named Jade. Who knew that the term, "eats like a bird" could drive you to bankruptcy buying bird food. She demands that I hold her at night until her eyes are so heavy she can't keep them open any more. That is something my wife used to demand as well.

Jade loves to go on long trips. By long I mean week long vacations. Much of the time she will sit on my shoulder and just watch the world go by. Fortunately sitting on my shoulder is one trait my wife never had.

Of course I would never leave Jade alone in a hot car. This means that now instead of stopping at TGI Friday, or Olive Garden my wife or I will dash into a fast food joint. We seem to get to our destinations much faster now.

Jade will have an occasional accident and let go with a tiny bomb on my shirt. We have come to an agreement about this however. I don't complain about her accidents and she doesn't complain about my fondness for burritos.

Jade is a bird of very discriminating taste she loves my Jeep Compass, she can't stand a friends Scion. Smart bird.
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post #9 of 101 Old 08-02-2009, 09:09 PM
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Another Parrot

There you go . . . my parrot, quirby the quaker, loves to ride in the car, as well as walk our dog, Maxie the Miniture Schnauzer with me.
Likes to scare people we pass walking by letting out a screeeeeeech.
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post #10 of 101 Old 08-02-2009, 11:14 PM Thread Starter
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You all know my theory about posting and talking without pictures.................so in order to start something here.............please feel free to post a picture of your favorite pet...........Alive or not !!!!!

So here goes...........race is a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier, name is Ruffles and he is 11 years old..............still acts like a puppy..............but not for long anymore, he gets tired............ like the old man now.................. LOL


Life is short, Break the rules,
Forgive quickly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably...
Never regret anything that made you smile!
Have a wonderful day!

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post #11 of 101 Old 08-03-2009, 01:40 PM
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A quick shot of Jade my 2 year old Cinnamon Green Cheek Conure.


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post #12 of 101 Old 08-03-2009, 09:19 PM Thread Starter
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Great shot Lew............Jade looks huge............obviously on the right page.........keep them coming........

Life is short, Break the rules,
Forgive quickly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably...
Never regret anything that made you smile!
Have a wonderful day!

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post #13 of 101 Old 08-16-2009, 10:50 PM
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Bump bumped bumpeddy bump bump


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post #14 of 101 Old 08-16-2009, 11:28 PM
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Here's mine on Christmas morning, happily chewing a pig's ear -


She's a Jeep dog. She loves to ride up front with her paws on the dash. The only problem with that is I have to clean noseprints off the windshield if I stop suddenly!

Man was indeed meant to fly...but only in one direction!
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post #15 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 12:27 AM
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Wink

This is i2canoe's pet unfortunately it has to ride on the roof. Either that or they have some really unusual hats up north.



Or maybe for really deep water crossings he just flips it over.

Maybe it's a local law that all roofs have to be red. Yellow ones get a ticket.

Ok I'm empty..... someone elses turn.


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post #16 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 12:33 AM
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Thank's CL . . . you got me!

BTW . . . the red tripper is a Canadian thing, eh?
Most of us won't leave home with out one.

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{BUT NOW SOOO IN LOVE WITH MY NEW CRUSH WRANGLER!}
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“Everybody must believe in something. I believe I'll go canoeing.”
-Henry David Thoreau


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post #17 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 12:51 AM
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That is one big bird. This bird is the proud master of i2canoe.


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post #18 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 01:08 AM
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Now u r freaking me out. . . . .lol
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post #19 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 02:19 AM Thread Starter
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Why the ring around its leg though??

Life is short, Break the rules,
Forgive quickly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably...
Never regret anything that made you smile!
Have a wonderful day!

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post #20 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 02:38 AM
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Indicates that it was bred in captivity and not captured in the wild. Sort of like a VIN.

BigD are you going to start a new breed? "Jeep Dog"?

i2canoe said eh. I will not make fun of that as long as you do not make fun of me saying ya'all. The plural of which is all ya'all.

Ffl I see nothing here to indicate that anyone in this forum has ANY sense...... of humor.


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post #21 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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Hey...............(it's a Canadian thing...) it's a start............

Life is short, Break the rules,
Forgive quickly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably...
Never regret anything that made you smile!
Have a wonderful day!

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post #22 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 01:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CompassLimited View Post
BigD are you going to start a new breed? "Jeep Dog"?
A Jeep Dog is any ol' mutt that appreciate riding in a Jeep. When my pup gets in our Compass (or when she got in the old Cherokee) she goes right up to the front seat, puts her front paws on the dash, and rides that way.
Does the same thing in my buddies Wrangler.
Never does it in any other kind of vehicle.

Man was indeed meant to fly...but only in one direction!
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post #23 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 02:46 PM
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Here's a bit of humor -

What to do on an airplane when you find yourself seated next to a
jerk.

1. Take out your laptop.

2. Slowly open your laptop.

3. Turn it on.

4. Make certain your neighbor is watching.

5. Open your internet browser.

6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them and then look up to the

sky, or the heavens if you will.

7. Breathe deeply and open the link...
http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html

8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face.

Man was indeed meant to fly...but only in one direction!
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post #24 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 02:51 PM
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A contestant, Sally, on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the
final plateau..

If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If
she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.



And as she suspected, the Million Dollar Question was no pushover.


It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest
but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:


A) the condor


B) the buzzard


C) the cuckoo


D) the vulture


The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer.


She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All
that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.


She hoped she would not have to use it because........ Her friend was, well,
a blonde.


But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question
and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly:


'That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo..'


The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.


She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the
one that her friend had given her.


And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical
thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such
certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.


Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, 'C: The cuckoo.'


'Is that your final answer?'


'Yes, that is my final answer.'


'That answer is Absolutely correct!


You are now a millionaire!'


Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends,
including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.


'Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, ' said the contestant. 'How did
you happen to know the right answer?'


'Oh, come on,' said the blonde 'Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build
nests. They live in clocks.'

Man was indeed meant to fly...but only in one direction!
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post #25 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 05:36 PM
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Those are my dogs Spazz (Bulldog) and Whiskey (Beagle)
and my two love birds, Tarzan and "the yellow one"

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone- Henry David Thoreau

Last edited by segura15; 08-17-2009 at 05:40 PM.
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post #26 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 05:57 PM
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDaveSCB View Post
Here's a bit of humor -

What to do on an airplane when you find yourself seated next to a
jerk.

1. Take out your laptop.

2. Slowly open your laptop.

3. Turn it on.

4. Make certain your neighbor is watching.

5. Open your internet browser.

6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them and then look up to the

sky, or the heavens if you will.

7. Breathe deeply and open the link...
http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html

8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face.
LOL where did you hear about that site? and whats up with the timer on it.

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone- Henry David Thoreau
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post #27 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 06:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by segura15 View Post
LOL where did you hear about that site? and whats up with the timer on it.
My wife (who works for an airline) sent it to me.
I hoped the timer would do something cool at the end, but all it does is flash, and ask you to "tell a friend"

Man was indeed meant to fly...but only in one direction!
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post #28 of 101 Old 08-17-2009, 06:07 PM Thread Starter
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LOL............good one

Life is short, Break the rules,
Forgive quickly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably...
Never regret anything that made you smile!
Have a wonderful day!

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post #29 of 101 Old 08-19-2009, 04:23 AM
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Strange but true.............................................. ..............maybe

While motorcycling through the Hungarian countryside, Cristo Falatti came up to a railway line just as the crossing gates were coming down. While he sat idling, a farmer with a goat, which the farmer tethered to the crossing gate, joined him. A few moments later a horse and cart drew up behind Falatti, followed in short order by a man in a sports car.

When the train roared through the crossing, the horse startled and bit Falatti on the arm. Not a man to be trifled with, Falatti responded by punching the horse in the head. In consequence the horse's owner jumped down from his cart and began scuffling with the motorcyclist. The horse, which was not up to this sort of excitement, backed away briskly, smashing the cart into the sports car. At this, the sports-car driver leaped out of his car and joined the fray. The farmer came forward to try to pacify the three flailing men. As he did so, the crossing gates rose and his goat was strangled.

At last report the insurance companies were still trying to sort out the claims.



Two West German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh. Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace near the center of the road. At the moment of impact their heads were both out of the windows when they smacked together. Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.


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post #30 of 101 Old 08-19-2009, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
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lol.....

Life is short, Break the rules,
Forgive quickly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably...
Never regret anything that made you smile!
Have a wonderful day!

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